Therapy For Adult Children of Narcissists
Narcissistic abuse doesn’t just break your heart — it breaks your sense of self. You’re left questioning your reality, your worth, and even your sanity. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent and now find yourself at a crossroads—questioning your patterns, relationships, or sense of self—it may be a sign that you’re ready to stop surviving and start healing. Healing is the journey of remembering who you were before they told you who to be.
To the outside world you seem to have it all together. People in your life would describe you as driven, intelligent, and reliable. You excelled in school, have a great career and most people would consider you successful. But inside things are different. You can’t shake that pain. Parents who put their own needs ahead of yours. Parents who made you feel like your feelings didn’t matter.
You may have been told you were “too sensitive,” “crazy,” or “ungrateful.” They may have made you feel like you were the problem. You may have walked on eggshells, wondering which version of them you’d get that day. You may have learned to question your own reality, your own memory, your own worth.
And here’s the truth: It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause it. You aren’t imagining it.
Sounds Familiar?
You’re successful on paper, yet nothing ever feels like “enough.”
You struggle to relax; stillness triggers anxiety, guilt, or self-criticism.
You constantly question your own feelings, memories, or reactions—even when they’re reasonable.
You feel responsible for other people’s emotions and exhausted by managing them.
You over-function in relationships, giving more than you receive while telling yourself it’s “fine.”
You’re drawn to emotionally unavailable, critical, or narcissistic partners, bosses, or authority figures.
You have a harsh inner voice that sounds suspiciously like your parent—and it never shuts off.
You feel safest when you’re in control, productive, or needed.
You struggle to set boundaries without intense guilt, fear, or second-guessing.
You minimize your own pain because “others had it worse.”
You feel disconnected from your own wants, needs, or identity outside of achievement.
You experience chronic tension, anxiety, or emotional numbness with no clear cause.
You feel lonely even in close relationships, as if no one truly sees you.
You equate rest, support, or dependence with weakness or failure.
Your Childhood Created The Problems You’re Facing Today
For many high-achieving adults raised by narcissistic parents, childhood was not defined by safety or emotional consistency—it was defined by performance. Love, attention, and approval were often conditional, granted only when you succeeded, behaved perfectly, or reflected well on your parent. You learned early that being exceptional was safer than being authentic, and that achievement could protect you from criticism, withdrawal, or emotional chaos.
At the same time, your inner experience was routinely dismissed or distorted. When you were hurt, confused, or overwhelmed, you may have been told you were “too sensitive,” that you misunderstood what happened, or that you should be grateful instead of upset. Over time, this chronic invalidation taught you to doubt your own perceptions and minimize your emotional needs. You stopped trusting what you felt, because doing so often led to conflict, rejection, or shame.
Many children of narcissistic parents are also forced into roles that are far too adult for them. You may have become the emotional caretaker, the mediator, the high achiever, or the “golden child”—responsible for keeping the peace, managing your parent’s emotions, or maintaining the family image. Your value came not from who you were, but from how well you could anticipate, soothe, or impress others. There was little room to be messy, needy, or uncertain.
Compounding all of this was unpredictability. Affection could turn into criticism without warning. Warmth might be followed by cold withdrawal. This inconsistency kept you hyper-vigilant, constantly scanning for cues about how to behave in order to stay safe. You learned that control, self-reliance, and emotional restraint were necessary for survival.
As a result, you grew up believing that your needs were inconvenient, that emotions were dangerous or useless, and that rest, dependence, or vulnerability came at a cost. These beliefs didn’t disappear in adulthood—they simply became more polished. They fueled ambition, discipline, and success, while quietly disconnecting you from yourself.
Therapy offers a way to finally unlearn these patterns in a space that is consistent, attuned, and safe. With the right therapeutic support, you can begin to trust your internal experience, release the pressure to perform for love, and develop a sense of worth that isn’t tied to achievement or approval. Therapy helps you grieve what you didn’t receive, reclaim the parts of yourself that had to go quiet, and build an identity rooted in authenticity, emotional safety, and self-compassion—rather than survival.
How Therapy For Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents At
EMTG Helps
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Growing up, love and approval were tied to performance, compliance, or keeping the peace. Therapy helps you untangle your self-worth from achievement and external validation, so your value no longer depends on being productive, perfect, or needed.
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Many adult children of narcissists carry a relentless internal voice that criticizes, pressures, and never allows rest. Therapy helps identify where this voice came from and gradually replace it with a more grounded, self-supportive inner dialogue.
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When your feelings were minimized or dismissed, you learned to ignore them. Therapy helps you safely reconnect with your emotional experience, trust your instincts again, and recognize your needs without guilt or self-doubt.
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If you find yourself over-giving, people-pleasing, or drawn to emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners or authority figures, therapy helps you understand these patterns and build relationships that feel mutual, safe, and emotionally satisfying.
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Setting boundaries may feel selfish or dangerous if you grew up managing other people’s emotions. Therapy helps you develop clear, compassionate boundaries—and tolerate the discomfort that comes with honoring yourself.
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Hypervigilance, over-control, and constant “doing” often began as survival strategies. Therapy helps your nervous system learn that it is safe to slow down, rest, and exist without performing.
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Many adult children of narcissists carry deep, unnamed shame—believing something is inherently wrong with them. Therapy helps locate the true source of this shame and loosen its grip on your identity.
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When success became your role, you may feel unsure who you are without it. Therapy supports the development of an authentic sense of self—rooted in choice, values, and emotional truth rather than obligation.
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Inconsistent parenting teaches you to expect withdrawal or criticism. Therapy provides a consistent, attuned relationship where you can experience reliability, validation, and emotional safety—often for the first time.
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Therapy isn’t about fixing you—it’s about helping you stop living from old survival rules. With support, you can build a life that feels calmer, more connected, and genuinely satisfying—not just successful on paper.
Therapeutic Techniques We’ll
Use in Therapy
As therapists who specialize in working with high-functioning adults raised in narcissistic family systems, we understand the unique ways early emotional invalidation, conditional love, and role reversal shape your inner world. Our approach is intentional, depth-oriented, and designed for people who are successful on the outside but privately struggling with the emotional cost of survival.
Narcissistic Family Systems–Informed Therapy
We work from a framework that recognizes how growing up with a narcissistic parent affects identity, self-worth, boundaries, and relationships. Therapy focuses on helping you unlearn survival roles—such as the caretaker, achiever, or peacekeeper—and develop a sense of self that is no longer organized around approval or performance.
Trauma-Informed, High-Functioning Care
Your trauma may not look like crisis or dysfunction—it shows up as hyper-independence, over-control, emotional detachment, or chronic self-criticism. Our trauma-informed approach addresses these patterns without pathologizing your success, helping your nervous system move out of constant alertness and into a felt sense of safety.
Cognitive and Core Belief Work
Growing up with narcissistic parents often instills deeply ingrained beliefs such as “I’m only valued when I perform,”“My needs don’t matter,” or “Something is wrong with me.” We use targeted cognitive work to identify and loosen these beliefs while integrating emotional processing—so change happens at more than an intellectual level.
Emotion Regulation and Internal Safety
When emotions were dismissed or punished, you learned to suppress or override them. Therapy helps you develop emotional regulation not as a skill to manage yourself, but as a way to experience your feelings without fear, shame, or overwhelm.
Values-Based Identity Development
If achievement has defined you for most of your life, it can be hard to know who you are beneath it. Using a values-based approach, therapy supports you in clarifying what actually matters to you—and building a life aligned with those values rather than old survival rules or external expectations.
At its core, this work is about creating an internal experience that feels calmer, more grounded, and more authentic. Therapy offers a consistent, attuned relationship where you can stop performing, start trusting yourself, and finally begin to heal the long-term effects of growing up with narcissistic parents.
About Dr. Shaneze Gayle Smith
I am licensed to provide therapy in 41 states and would be honored to support you on your journey towards self-growth and healing.
As the first-born and ACoN (both parents), I know exactly what you’re feeling. I work with adults who grew up with narcissistic parents and learned to live in constant adaptation—staying strong, capable, and in control while quietly ignoring their own needs. Many of my clients are entrepreneurs, high achievers and mothers who carry a lot of responsibility, and whose bodies have begun to speak through chronic stress, somatic pain, or health issues that don’t fully resolve on their own. I offer a warm, grounded space where we look at how early emotional neglect, pressure, and over-functioning show up both mentally and physically. Together, we focus on helping you reconnect with your body, soften survival patterns, and build boundaries that protect your energy. Therapy is also a place to intentionally break generational cycles so you can parent with more presence, attunement, and self-trust, rather than from exhaustion or fear.
Education
PhD in Clinical Psychology, Seton Hall University (Health Psychology & Child/Adolescent Focus)
Psychology Residency, Albert Einstein College of Medicine/Montefiore Medical Center
MS in Forensic Psychology, Walden University
Medical School (3 years), Rutgers-New Jersey Medical School
BA in Cell Biology and Neuroscience, Rutgers University
Credentials
Advanced training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) .
Trained by experts in narcissistic abuse recovery and trauma-informed therapy for complex family systems
Expertise in mind body connection- chronic health issues stemming from traumatic childhood.
About Vernee Brooks, LPC, LMHC
I am licensed for therapy in New York, New Jersey & Texas.
Healing from narcissists can be brutal. As a child to both parents being narcissists, I was constantly being told I was the problem. I am passionate about helping clients who are creatives, successful professional women, or high-functioning adults who look confident on the outside but struggle with self-doubt, people-pleasing, or repeating painful patterns in dating and relationships. In our work together, we’ll create a space where you don’t have to over-explain or minimize your experiences. We will figure out whether you want to go no contact or what you want relationship to look like.
My approach is collaborative and practical, while still going deep. We’ll look at patterns that no longer serve you, build healthier boundaries, and help you navigate life with more clarity and confidence. Therapy becomes a place to understand how your upbringing shaped the way you love, set boundaries, and see yourself—and to gently shift those patterns so you can create relationships and a life that feel more authentic, secure, and fulfilling.
Education
M.S. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, Walden University
BA in Psychology, Rutgers University
Credentials
Advanced training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
Trained by experts in narcissistic abuse recovery and trauma-informed therapy for complex family systems
Expertise in understanding how narcissistic family dynamics impact identity development and self-worth.
Expertise in anxiety and panic attacks stemming from childhood emotional abuse and invalidation, particularly for Black women and BIPOC individuals.
About Christine Pacheco, LMSW
I am licensed for therapy in New York.
I’m especially drawn to working with people during moments of transition—recent graduates stepping into adulthood, new parents questioning how they want to show up for their children, and professionals navigating career shifts or redefining success. These transitions often stir up old patterns learned in narcissistic family systems: people-pleasing, self-doubt, over-functioning, or the feeling that you have to earn your place or prove your worth all over again.
If you're ready to create lasting change, we can work together to help you feel more at ease within yourself and with others. Let's begin your journey toward the life and relationships you deserve.
Education
Master of Social Work, Fordham University
Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, Brooklyn College
Credentials
Advanced training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Attachment-based therapy, Person-Centered therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
Trained by experts in narcissistic abuse recovery and trauma-informed therapy for complex family systems.
Expertise in supporting BIPOC mothers breaking intergenerational cycles of narcissistic abuse, and how abuse impacts relational patterns.
Expertise in emotional dysregulation and healing from chronic invalidation in narcissistic family systems.
No worries- we are also running groups including: 1) ADULT CHILDREN OF NARCISSISTIC PARENTS and 2) SURVIVORS OF NARCISSISTIC RELATIONSHIPS. If interested in either of these groups, fill out form and we can discuss more.
Not Ready For Individual Therapy?
Therapy For Adult Children of Narcissists FAQs
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Many adult children of narcissistic parents are high-functioning and successful, which can make it easy to minimize their experiences. Signs often show up as chronic self-criticism, people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, anxiety when resting, repeated relationship patterns, or a persistent feeling that you have to earn love or approval. Therapy helps connect these present-day patterns to their roots so they can finally change.
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Many adult children of narcissistic parents are high-functioning and successful, which can make it easy to minimize their experiences. Signs often show up as chronic self-criticism, people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, anxiety when resting, repeated relationship patterns, or a persistent feeling that you have to earn love or approval. Therapy helps connect these present-day patterns to their roots so they can finally change.
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No. The goal isn’t to assign blame or dwell on the past—it’s to understand how early family dynamics shaped your nervous system, beliefs, and relationship patterns. Therapy focuses on helping you reclaim agency, develop healthier boundaries, and respond differently in the present, regardless of whether your parents ever change.
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Working with a therapist who understands narcissistic family systems means you won’t have to justify or explain why certain experiences were harmful. This work goes beyond insight alone by addressing emotional, relational, and nervous system patterns—helping change happen at a deeper level. Therapy becomes a place where you can stop performing, start trusting yourself, and experience what consistency and emotional safety actually feel like.